Ignoring What’s Important

I didn't mean to leave Ya'll hanging these last few weeks, but life happened, and it's been a rollercoaster.

So where were we?

Oh yes.

Ok; So, what is all of this talk about trauma response and me not being a good human? Simply put, I was looking for what I could not get inside of the four walls I was living in, outside from others and by others, I mean men.

I needed confirmation. I just didn't know what, or why, just yet. Internally, I hated me. I had no clue what my worth was and how to love myself. I learned so much on this later in life, I just wish I had known about it then.

Because I was selfish and worrying about what I needed, Ash spent many weekends staying with Mom and Dad.

They enjoyed having her around and she missed them very much.

What started as 'staying the weekend' at Grandma and Grandpa's, would soon turn into them watching Ash more than they should have. They had her a lot. Enough to have to get 'daycare' for Ash so my parents could work.

This particular time in my life is kind of a blur. I was a horrible Mother not taking care of the responsibilities that were put before me. Going out, drinking, flirting, and whatever else I could be doing was at that time, more important.

Ashley's Dad and I were on and off for a while but at this time, we were on.

I was 19 and a mess. Looking back, I learned to not have regrets. The choices and decisions I made during those times were exactly what I wanted during those moments. They were presented to learn from. They were given to grow and I did that, later rather than sooner.

The months being 19, I would learn that I really did want to be with Ashley's Dad, and I was determined to make it work. What neither one of us expected however, was what would happen that summer.

We were yet again, in for another surprise.

One more big shock we were not prepared for.

Third times a charm, or at least that's what they say, right?