Adoption Day

The day the twins were adopted will leave an imprint on my heart and soul forever.

I think about them constantly and have for the past 31 years.

Part of the adoption agreement was for the parents to send pictures and a letter each year up until the girls turned 18, to keep me informed on how they are doing, growing, etc. Unfortunately, the letters stopped when they were 7, so I've been left with years of wondering how they have been, while hoping they are doing fantastic. Over the years, parts of me have felt that not receiving information may have been for the best, as each year I saw pictures it got harder and harder. Things happen the way they are supposed to.

I believe that with my whole heart.

We do what we think is best in the eyes of our children.

Or, at least that's what we should be doing. Putting our kids first is the way of parenting.

I made a decision that was in the best interest of those girls, though it was soul ripping for me and our family. Parenting Ashley was hard at 16, 17, 18, and so on and so on. I couldn't have imagined trying to parent yet two more special needs daughters. For once, I did what was best for someone other than myself.

After the twins were adopted, a big part of me shifted. It was once again a traumatic experience that would later have consequences. I became a hurtful woman that made choices and decisions based on what I thought I wanted and needed and as I got older, I became more and more selfish. Looking back on who I was in my late teens, early twenties, and even into my thirties, I am grateful for the growing I have done. I am not proud of the people I hurt along the way along with the many, many stupid things I did. I do not regret those decisions; however, they were what I wanted at the time. I wouldn't be where and who I am today had those things not happened.

I regret the hurt I caused but the things I did, have made me stronger and smarter.

As you learn more, you will learn I didn't always make the best choices.

I am here to not only talk about what I went through but also, the things I did along the way.