Holding on to hope!
That horrific day was over and all we could do was be patient. The next several weeks were critical, uncertain, and would be about Ashley gaining the strength to grow and become as healthy as she could and that's exactly, what she did.
No major medical events occurred over the next several days, but from what we had gone through, we as a family, were emotionally and mentally exhausted.
My parents and I were permanent fixtures at the hospital being there 24/7. I never wanted to leave. I wanted to be there in case; God forbid, something happened. I knew after about day 10 though, I needed a break. I needed to step away from the hospital for at least a few hours. I had somehow forgotten I was still a junior in high school and needed to think about how I was going to continue THAT part of my life.
I never imagined I would not finish high school. Well, at least at the beginning of 1989 I didn't.
After getting pregnant and having a baby that would spend months in intensive care there was no question what I had to do. I couldn't possibly maintain my studies while being at Minneapolis Children's Hospital every day. It simply was not going to happen. When I went to my mom and dad about school, they didn't say a whole lot. Let's be real, I was old enough to give birth, so I guess I was old enough to make life changing decisions such as whether or not I was going to finish high school. I would go back and get my GED someday I just didn't realize it would take 20 years. I'll touch more on that much later.
It was May 1990, and I was now 17. I was spending every waking moment at the hospital while trying to grow, be mature, and process what happened in my life over the past 9 or so months. I hadn't been around home or town in weeks, and I remember feeling left out. I had FOMO (fear of missing out). I had friends who were there for me and Ash yes, but life was far from what it should have looked like at that age. You give up a lot when you become a mom especially at the age of 16.
I missed Friday night football games, school dances, and of course practices and competitions. There were a few girls in my grade that had babies that year, but I wasn't close friends with those girls. They certainly were not going through what I was with Ash so how could they possibly relate? It was a lonely time.
When you are in high school you don't really know what your future will look like and most teens, don't have a clue what they will do when they 'grow up'. Obviously, a mom was the biggest part of my future but what would go along with it were choices and decisions I would come to regret along the way. I wasn't perfect and I learned later in life, I wasn't healthy. I, along with my daughter, had a journey all on my own but it would take me being much older and hitting rock bottom, to realize it.